For I Will Consider

(An Imitation, and amusing poem) DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY!

For I will consider the fantasy nerd.
For he is the pinnacle of all geeks, nerds, or junkies.
For at the first glance of a light saber or winged dragon his heart beats faster than if he actually exercised.
For he has too many languages to learn, magical terms to memorize, and maps of made-up places to absorb.
For is this accomplished by wasting time with social skills and hygiene?
For when he is done with his studies he begins to write an epic of his own.
For he thinks he has skills.
For having way too much time, because of his unemployment, he must do something worthwhile like picking up a medieval sword-shaped pen.
For this Tolkien-like book is written with ten necessities:
For first, there must be elves. No fantastical story ever created was with out them (except Star Wars, which is understandable for the Jedi would have to kill them.)
For secondly, there must be strange names: names such as Samantha or Zachary are not acceptable, but must be Samoneena and Zachortia.
For thirdly there must be stupid non-existent creatures. It is best to take the ones made by Tolkien or Lucas and to alter them slightly—no one will know.
For fourthly battle scenes must splash across the story like the detailed descriptions of beheaded beasts that…
For fifthly must be described in their triumphant goriness: the gluttony of carnage is vital.
For sixthly there must a woman who’s hair blows in the breeze like a thousand changing sunsets, and who’s eyes burn like an ebony sword of dark night. (She may be elfish or human).
For seventhly, a map must be inserted in the front of the story so that the fantasy nerd has endless opportunities to make up stupid-sounding words and place them over a geological feature and thus, sound intelligent.
For eighthly, there must be a break to play World of Warcraft or Halo.
For ninthly nothing must be said in a concise manner. For example, he can not say “ a new day came”, he must say “the dawn of the new day arose with a stillness in the air, and a light casted on the shadows insuring that time had indeed forced the calendar onward.
For tenthly, there must be at least three installments, but in the case of dragons over forty books may be acceptable.
For having finished his work of quill and ink penmenship, he goes up stairs to see what his mother has made for dinner.
For he refuses to get a real job to pay for the love of his life, his Macbook.
For he uses it to discuss his favorite fantasies in chat rooms.
For there is much literary quality to discuss.
For when he puts it down, he memorizes footwork for Jedi battles, and fights with Ring Wraiths.
For every Friday his cyber friends meet him at the park to have these battles.
“For there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.”
For he is too scared to go out into the world and see what it really has to offer.
For his imagination is a much safer place.
For his status as nerd has brought him many black eyes and bruised ribs.
For the orcs of 2009 use their fists to destroy.
For no matter the age, evil will exist.
For if he, the fantasy nerd, can not fight this evil in the present day, he will fight it in dungeons.
For he will fight it with dragons.
For someday he will conquer
For he will make millions with his best-selling book.
For then he will get the last laugh.
For nerds rule the world.

~DaLe 3/22/09